Best one liners for internet dating death of dating badger herald

14-Jan-2020 21:30

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I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone.'” – Alan Carr “The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” – Demetri Martin “I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.” – Tommy Cooper “My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does.

She sells seashells on the seashore.” – Milton Jones “So I’m at the Wailing Wall, standing there, like a moron, with my harpoon.” – Emo Philips “A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.” – Rich Hall “A spa hotel? I said: ‘I want to make a complaint – this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions.’” – Tim Vine “My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off.” – Milton Jones “I moved to a well-to-do area.

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.” – Tim Vine “Money can’t buy you happiness?

Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.” – Paul F Taylor “A man walked into the doctor’s.

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Here are 110 of the best clean jokes from comedians young and old.

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They charged one and let the other one off.” – Tommy Cooper “I’m learning the hokey cokey. But – I’ve got the ins and outs.” – Iain Stirling “I have kleptomania.

The first one is on the house.” – Tim Vine “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. They’re relentless.” – Mitch Hedberg “I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’” – Tim Vine “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” – Jerry Seinfeld “I was in my car driving back from work.

A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window.

I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times.” – Felicity Ward “I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time.

So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.” – Steven Wright “I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them.It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” – Rhod Gilbert “My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian. I know it’s well-to-do because I said to my husband ‘it’s chilly in here’, and he said ‘shall we turn the floor up’?

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